This means WAR!

Because I detest Mondays so much, Sundays are bad too, because I know what's coming and then Saturday starts to get bad because then it's Sunday and then Monday. You get the picture. Yesterday's Monday was par for the course.

I walked outside to tell my one-more-strike-and-you're-OUT dog to stop barking at the blankety-blank-blank cats across the street, (Sorry, but I do NOT like cats. I think the people across the street got cats and try to attract stray cats because they hate us. So I let Willie bark at them for a while, knowing that it annoys the people across the street, because they keep me up until early in the mornings drinking and partying at their fire-pit in the back yard and playing their music so loud that my windows rattle. Bark away, Willie. Bark away!) and almost stepped on one of these...


Yummy! Another one had made it's way half way up my front door trim, then there was one at the top of our big front window and another eating leaves off the bush next to the window and many others on the ground. The only thing/creature I hate more than snails, are mice. They break the rules and come into my yard, they will be punished. So my way to punish them is to pick them up and chuck them into the street and wait for cars to squish them. Willie beat me to one this morning...such gratification, hearing their shells crack on the road!

So yesterday, three snails met their fate in the road, which sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. A couple of years ago when I noticed that my lillies were being eaten alive, I saw a migration of snails in the grass moving toward the lillies. I picked up every one and threw them into the street. But they started to ooze their way back, so I took a shovel and smashed them. I know, really mean, but again...they broke my rules! I guess my vacation from slugs has ended and the fight must begin again.

Is anyone still reading this?

And besides the snails, another pair of flip-flops (the 5th pair to be exact) met their fate. Emma's not even a day old $10 flip-flops got chewed to bits by my (hold on a second while I count to 10 to calm down) dog! And the whole flip-flop incident could have been avoided, but because of my AWESOME parenting skills, my kids were outside playing basketball/riding scooters/staying away from their ornery mother when my Jay decided to call Emma a name, which made Emma mad and scream and cry like she had lost an arm and then ultimately her anger came out in the form of mooning Jay.

Yes, I'm afraid I have raised heathens.

WHERE IN THE WORLD DID SHE LEARN SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Will half-laughed when I told him. He and the kids also laugh at bodily-function jokes too...I'm outnumbered! But had Emma not exposed herself to Jay and the neighbors, I'm sure...she wouldn't have left her flip-flops outside instead of coming inside and weeping and wailing and playing the martyr.

Snails and mooning, dismembered flip-flops and barking dogs...what more should I have expected from a Monday.