Lauren

Lauren just had a funny experience yesterday, which I'll get to later.  But after her little experience, my heart grew with so much more love for her.  I understand her.  I've been so proud of her lately and the maturity and grace she shows at her young age of 12.

Lauren is a young 12, also.  When Katie Jane turned 12, she acted like she was 18 already.  Very mature in her way of thinking and mom and dad were already idiots.  Lauren, on the other hand, is full of innocence.   I can't bear to think that she will be in Jr. High next year.  Kind of like when your baby turns one year old, and they just don't look old enough to be one year.  I'm not ready to accept that yet.

She's my typical middle child.  Plays the martyr quite often, is very emotional about everything, can't say no to anyone who needs help (unless it's one of her siblings...and even then, she usually gives in) and she has every one's best interest at heart.  She's determined to save everyone and is a friend to all.  She's so forgiving and kind and is a spiritual giant.  She gets it!

Isn't that a typical middle child's temperament?

She was also a very beautiful baby.  I think I've bragged about that before--although I didn't really have a   choice in her beauty so I can't really brag about it.

She has a beautiful smile and when she was younger, it was always a wide-eyed, wide-open mouth, full of expression, smile.  She smiled with her entire face.  I love it!

I found a few pictures of when my kids were little when I was looking for pictures of Lauren.  Oh, I'm so glad that I took the time to take pictures of the good times with my kids.  Of course there were plenty of horrible moments that caused me to have, spiritual, emotional, physical and mental breakdowns, but I didn't take pictures of those times...and my brain conveniently forgot how horrible being a young mother was.

Those few horrible times, of course.  Not the enTIRE time of being a young mother.

So Lauren...sometimes she has bad luck.  As was yesterday afternoon.

I was talking to Will on the phone and had sent Lauren into a store to check on Jay while we waited in the car.  She made it to the corner of the sidewalk...which was on MAIN STREET...the street that is the busiest in the city, right?...and the sidewalk turned right and dipped down to the left and her ankle went right and her foot went left.

I watched her tumble to the ground and start rolling on the ground in pain.  On Main Street.  I hung up on Will and ran to help her get up and see if she was okay.  I so know that pain, and this isn't the first time she's sprained her ankle.

When I got there and tried to console her...on Main Street...she continued to roll around on the ground and cry.  I was trying to convince her to lean on me to stand, when a police officer came upon the scene.

Why is it when a police officer comes around, I feel like a total criminal!  I was stumbling over my words as I was trying to explain what happened and he was asking weird questions like, was she riding something? Are you her mother?  I think he thought I hit her with my car, which was parked about 30 feet away, so hopefully that thought didn't stay very long in his head.  And then...I'm sure I'm totally over reacting to the situation...he kept looking at my necklace, which was a little Korean symbol for 'mother' that Will got for me when he was in Korea last year.

Did he think I was part of a gang??  That's what my brain was saying.  So, more stumbling over my words and trying to explain myself and why my child is writhing in pain...on Main Street... and looking like an idiot (me, not Lauren) while Lauren is still crying.

She got up and I helped her hobble to the car.  She was obviously in pain, but being very brave and to make the story short-er, she's doing great this morning and is planning on going to softball practice this afternoon and everything.  Only a hint of a limp is visible.  

I feel so bad that she has rotten luck.  But she really does handle things more maturely that I could ever hope to.  

She was asked by her Young Women church leaders to play the piano for all the girls on the second Sunday of every month.  Just one song they could all sing to open the meeting.  She practiced so hard and felt like she was prepared...and then the time came for her to play her song and it just so happened that the Young Women and all the other Women in the ward (Relief Society) meet together on the second Sunday every month.

Lauren had to play for them all.  And she was n.e.r.v.o.u.s.  Seriously.  Which, in my experience, leads to mistakes and embarrassment.  She got the first two lines of the song played and then lost her place and spent the rest of the song trying to find her place to continue playing.

When I saw her after church, I asked her how it went and she burst into tears (also thanks to a lovely comment from her older sister...grrrr at her sometimes!)  She was devastated at what had happened and felt so stupid.  

I was so proud of her, that she even tried under those unforeseen and intimidating circumstances.  I can't even play the piano for family to sing let alone a group of strangers.  I hope she knows how much I love her.  I hope she knows how proud of her I am.  I hope she knows that I think she is an incredible young woman who is very talented.  I hope she knows that I love the hugs she gives me every time she leaves to go somewhere or before she goes to bed...even though I am yelling at her to go to bed as she is hugging me.

I hope she knows.  I tell her, but I need to show her, all my kids, how much I love them.  Another thing to add to my how-to-be-a-better-mother list...it's a long one.

I often wonder how I got so lucky to have all that I do.