I don't want to go into detail as to why I'm in this "hole", but last night during Family Home Evening, Lauren read a scripture that made me feel better. (this story is an FHE standby!)
Mark 4:39-41
39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, aPeace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great bcalm.
41 And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?
I've been lacking faith. Even though my life is good, and I have my health and my wonderful family (even though my children - one in particular - is embarrassed and thinks that I make weird faces and have an annoying laugh) and a beautiful home, and a strong testimony of the gospel...I've been lacking faith in my Savior that He can SAVE me. I'm fearful and scared and, quite frankly, I want it all to end. Not in an all-ending way, but I want these heavy burdens lifted off of me.
Question. Do I have enough faith to believe that He can lift these burdens?
Good question.
I do a lot of things in faith. But I can't quite figure out how to let these burdens be lifted. I can't stop worrying and worrying and worrying. Which in turn worries Will. Which doesn't do anything to solve the problem. So I guess by being so fearful - I'm not showing faith. That's my answer. I'm the type of person that takes the "glass is half empty" approach. If you plan for the worst, then when the worst happens you won't be let down. And if, by chance, the best happens - well, then you're pleasantly surprised. Not really a good take on life, right?
I guess I need to remember: "what manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" If He can do that, then he can help me.
Okay, I'm taking another step!
I've been lacking faith. Even though my life is good, and I have my health and my wonderful family (even though my children - one in particular - is embarrassed and thinks that I make weird faces and have an annoying laugh) and a beautiful home, and a strong testimony of the gospel...I've been lacking faith in my Savior that He can SAVE me. I'm fearful and scared and, quite frankly, I want it all to end. Not in an all-ending way, but I want these heavy burdens lifted off of me.
Question. Do I have enough faith to believe that He can lift these burdens?
Good question.
I do a lot of things in faith. But I can't quite figure out how to let these burdens be lifted. I can't stop worrying and worrying and worrying. Which in turn worries Will. Which doesn't do anything to solve the problem. So I guess by being so fearful - I'm not showing faith. That's my answer. I'm the type of person that takes the "glass is half empty" approach. If you plan for the worst, then when the worst happens you won't be let down. And if, by chance, the best happens - well, then you're pleasantly surprised. Not really a good take on life, right?
I guess I need to remember: "what manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" If He can do that, then he can help me.
Okay, I'm taking another step!
1 comment:
I've been thinking a lot about you guys lately. You have been through a lot the last few years. I am sure having Will gone and then back has shaken your family dynamic. Know that you are loved, not just by Heavenly Father! :-)
-Alta
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