Brief history: For most of my life I've been...well, what I think is LARGE. I'm pretty tall, I have a big frame, large bones, broad shoulders, prime child carrying/birthing hips and, from what my mom has told me, my grandpa Eberhard's "German thighs"! Thanks A LOT Germans! I have three beautiful sisters I have spent my life comparing myself to. I'm a typical middle child who feels like I have to compete to get attention, but at the same time wants to hide. It's so hard to squeeze into words the struggle I've had with my weight and my self-esteem - to some it might not seem like a problem, but to me...when butter fried cheerios was my after school snack...it was!
I've come to the fact - especially lately - that I will never, never, never, ever look like I would want. I'm always going to think that something is wrong with my body. Doesn't almost every woman feel that way? I'm sure I'm not the only one. So after I had Emma, almost 7 years ago, I set a goal for myself.
I'm going to run a half-marathon!
Then while working out trying to lose my pregnancy weight or nursing my baby Emma or doing something that mom's do...pretend you hear a record player scratching to a halt...I ruptured a disk in my back. Months of pain, the back and side of my leg and foot were numb, an MRI, vibrating back massagers, a spinal cortisone shot, physical therapy,frustration and being told by the neurosurgeon - be afraid of your back, you should probably never run again. That was almost seven years ago.
Tomorrow...I'm running my first half-marathon.
No fishing poles involved here, but I'm kind of proud of how far this fat girl has come! I know the shape of my body is deceiving, but I'm in really good shape and I guess I'm going to have to give up the multiple Popsicles and other little things like boxes of chocolates, (fyi...I have not consumed an entire box since Will has been home...Yea me!) since exercising for almost 2 hours, 4-5 times a week has left me the same size for the past 2 1/2 years.
I've got my best friend running with me, too. Will is going to crawl at my jogging pace and be with me when I accomplish this HUGE-FOR-ME goal.
If only my heart would stop fluttering and pounding!
I think I'm going to cry when I finish!
8 comments:
Julie!
I love you so much! You are WAY awesome! I think you are so wonderful in so many ways.I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm the middle child too and I think you descibed my feelings also. Julie--I will think about you tomorrow and be cheering you on in my heart! Best wishes to my beautful and amazing Julie!
Julie-
Congratulations! I am so excited for you tomorrow to run a 1/2 marathon. There is something powerful crossing the finish line of one of your lifetime goals. I was surprised to hear you feel that way but can so relate. You are really an amazing person and a fabulous mom. You are a great example to me and I have always admired you a lot. Good Luck tomorrow! Can't wait to hear about it!
Good luck tomorrow I know you will do great! I know you won't belive me but I wish you would, you look fantastic and should be proud of your hot bod! But like most women, me included, we all have body issues, but again you look great and have a good time tomorrow, there really is no better feeling than when you cross the finish line and realize just how far you ran!
I think your GREAT for doing it and I think you'll do awesome!! I think you do sound like a lot of women..*cough* me...but if it's worth anything I think you look great!
I'm sure you did great Julie! You are a great example to me. Keep up the hard work, and although I think you probably don't believe it I mean it when I say, YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!
Shut Up Julie! I can't believe you would even dare say those things about yourself, but I think we all do it don't we? Does anyone really think they look great?
I can't wait to hear about your run, I think that is awesome, I've tried running but I never get to where I like it, do you like it? Or is it just a goal so you push through it while you hate it?
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I think I'm going to cry when you finish! I am so proud of you Julie! I want to hear all about it! That is a HUGE accomplishment I only dream about!
PS. I've never seen anyone look so hot in just a robe and a towel around her head. You are hot Julie! You seriously are beautiful. Need I remind you of my family thinking you were a super star when they first met you. You are always referred to by my family as, "julie?, the one that is really beautiful." That's right! The girl that turns sideways and disapears. Love you!
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