I'm to that point.

I've been at this point before.  I'm going to be at this point again.  And again.  And maybe again.  When seeing people on TV commercials, or total strangers on the street, or...anyone for that matter who gets to hold their husband's hand (I'm going to take this from my perspective...just because) or etc...makes me so homesick for Will.

It just about kills me to see couples holding hands when the hand I want to hold is waking up as I'm going to bed.  Just so you know, I want to do more than just hold Will's hand, I also want to kiss him and hug him, but just so that I don't embarrass myself or make anyone gag, I'll just say "holding hands".

I guess I'm very blessed to realize how wonderful it is to have a husband...physically and emotionally present!  I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't appreciate that.  My marriage isn't perfect.  No one's is.  I can irritate Will to the point of insanity!!  But there's one thing that I've been blessed with in my life - at least as far as my marriage goes...and again, I'm not always good at remembering this...I try to remember the eternal perspective.  Will's better at doing this than I am, but it's my job and it's his job...it's OUR job to be unselfish.  Marriages CAN'T work if one or the other or both, usually it's always both, people are selfish.  If I'm being selfish, I've forgotten the whole reason why I'm here and what I'm supposed to be doing.  This world was not created for just me.  Sometimes I act like it was...but it wasn't.  Our marriage is great if we are BOTH unselfish.  It doesn't work if you get ANY other combo other than that.

I'm SO GLAD that if I want to do something fun with someone...Will is my first choice.  If I want to talk to someone...Will is my first choice.  If I want to spend the day with someone...Will is my first choice.  If I want to sit by anyone...Will is my first choice.  And he always will be.  Not that I never do anything without Will, but if I had my choice...it's him.  I really feel so blessed to understand that.  And I'm so blessed that Will understands that too.  That's what makes being apart so difficult.  I'm sure Will and I are not the only couple who feels this way, and if you do feel this way...isn't it awesome?  Wouldn't life be so miserable if you didn't love your spouse enough to be unselfish?  I'm sure there's a big hunk of brain that is being very naive right now...and I'm the furthest thing from a marriage counselor.  All I'm saying is that I miss my husband right now and it's only been a week.

I'm in trouble.  Big trouble.  So my instructions to myself for the next year are...

Be grateful for him.  Don't take for granted being able to hold his hand.   Give him a hug and kiss at every possible chance.  Always stand and sit next to him.  Remember what he sounds like when he sleeps...forget what he sounds like when he snores - hopefully he will forget what I sound like when I snore.  Put your head on his chest and listen to his heart.  Ignore the toothpaste splatter on the bathroom mirror.  Remember what he smells like.  Tell him thank you for loving me.  Speak to him with love and respect.  Treat him with love and respect.  Pray with him.  Laugh with him.  Cry with him.  Always say thank you to him for warming up my side of the bed.  Encourage him to do his best and be honorable. 

And the best part is...

I know he'll do the same for me.