Clink Clink

I remember watching TV back in 1991, when soldiers were leaving home for Desert Storm in Iraq. I cried and cried AND CRIED when I would watch stories of soldiers leaving their families on the news. I couldn't imagine how hard that would be and also how joyous the reunion would be...looking back, I KNEW in my heart that I would experience that in my life...I KNEW it!

So...this morning at 3:55, I grudgingly wrapped that dang old silver necklace with one of Will's dog tags attached to it, around my neck for the duration of his deployment. I've only taken it off maybe 5 times since he's left. It's been such a permanent part of me for so long. I even wore it while he was home these past 2 weeks. I only took it off yesterday.

I didn't miss its clinking on my jacket zippers, or getting snagged on my wash cloth in the shower, or not allowing me to wear any cute, fun Sallie Jean charms...which caused an annoying clinking every time I took a step!! I didn't miss forgetting that it reminds me almost constantly that he's not with me.

But when I have it on....he is with me! Thus - clink away!!!

I went to the gate with him this morning. He told me my eyes were so red from crying that he was worried about me driving home and told me to sleep in the parking garage for a while before I drove home. I would rather not have to pay $3/hour to sleep! (we went to bed at 1:30, or he did anyway...my mind had 1 million things to spin through instead of sleeping, and then we woke up at 3:30 to leave at 4:00.) I know that I make him worry when I cry. It's hard to explain, but there is almost a physical heart break when he leaves. Has anyone else had that happen to them?

Me and my red eyes drove home - alone - trying to rationalize buying a diet coke at 6:30 in the morning, but resisting the temptation even though I knew I would find a pink cookie close by too.

I know I'll be busy with the holidays and all the retail therapy that comes along with them, and the fact that it's only 108 days, or 15 & 3/7 weeks, or 3 3/4 months away....does make it seem easier, but it's still not easy. The kids had a harder time saying good bye to him last night than they did when he left the first time. It was heartbreaking again!

My eyes are still red, no matter how many drops I put in them. I think my tears had rocks in them or something. Will is somewhere in the air on his way to Kuwait, then back "home" as he accidentally called it yesterday, to Afghanistan.

Grandma Jane is whispering to me "you can do it, you'll be just fine".

I know. When tissues and paper towels just can't keep up with the tears...get a towel!